happy 2009 and an ode to the readers of this blog

well this is my first post in this new year. This year it will be two years since i first started blogging. I dont know how many people read my blog, but those who do happy new year to all of you out there. People who i probably will never meet but who are connected to me through this blog.   I find such connections fascinating to say the least. I would like to imagine an average 25 year old person  way back in 1950. How many people he/she would be connected to? your family, people at your place of worship, your neighbours, your workplace, your school (if you go to one), college was a dream prospect back then for a family with average means.  Cut to 2009 and you meet people from all walks of life. I for one, who is an average 24 year old guy, have met people, who i am still in touch with, at school, college, tuitions during middle school, tuitions during high school, coaching classes for entrance examination to college, college, college parties, other college parties, dads business associates, distant cousins in foreign lands, online networking forums with dedicated theme, online general purpose social networking forums, graduate school, people who read my blog and so forth.

These different people that i have met during the course of my life, have left a distinctive impression on me. And most fascinating thing about meeting so many people is something like a classmate of mine went to college with a present associate of mine, or bumping into somebody you met years ago seven seas apart years ago, or calling up somebody you havent met for better part of a decade and then getting to meet them or when your childhood buddy whom you havent met for more than 15 years decides to get married and calls you/or email you and so forth. Its like if you are a pin in this vast sea of pins and the world is like a cardboard on which all these pins are placed and when you connect these pins with a thread; a thread representing a connection and each connection representing a color, you will get such vibrant patterns. These patterns define and individuals life. The people you meet, the people you connect to leaves a distinctive influence on who you are. You are a sum total of colors of all these connections. The more the connections, the more the colors and more complete you are. 

I am very happy to have one more color to my being. My connection to those who read this blog. I am not sure if i will meet any one of you at any point in my life. We may or may not bump into each other as complete strangers, sit right next to each other in a movie theater, be related to one another without knowing that this is the person whose this article i liked and so forth, but we have a connection. A connection which at a very basic level connects our thoughts. To be very honest i write for my self. I am not a professional blogger who clocks cpl of dozen articles every month, or the sorts who makes money out of it by promoting commerical products on his/her blog (I may become that at some point in distant future but not now),  nor my pieces are always pleasing to the eye. I write what i feel should be written. What i feel to be important either to myself or to people who at some level think like me. On an average i would write an article every month or two or even less but i write for i love writing and i thank those who read what i write and give comments whether constructive or criticizing. 

the journey, the destination and the fun

1.) the begining (outside san jose)

I recently started on an absolute fun journey from san jose to LA to phoenix to death valley and back to san jose. This photo blog will describe in pictures and not in words the journey that i undertook with my uncles family to lands so beautiful so pristine that words are insufficient to describe them and as they say, a picture says a thousand words:

 3.) sunrise in san bernadino

4.)  morning walk in san beradino. The peaks were awesome!!We went chasing them later in the day

5.) We robbed steve and barrys in san bernadino point blank :P. After we were done for over 5 hours in two shifts there was nothing left there

6.) Glow Golfing: a kids delight and favourite time pass while parents do the boring shopping.

7.) who says sun and snow cannot coexist? we waned to so to some lake ended up going to san bernadino park while chasing snow clad peaks on serpentine roads. Totally awesome experience!!

8.) Our curious attempt at making a snow man

correlation between bidirectional stockholm syndrome and arranged marriages : risk management in indian wedlocks

Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger (or at least risk) in which they have been placed. The syndrome is named after the Norrmalmstorg robbery of Kreditbanken at Norrmalmstorg, Stockholm, Sweden, in which the bank robbers held bank employees hostage from August 23 to August 28 in 1973. In this case, the victims became emotionally attached to their victimizers, and even defended their captors after they were freed from their six-day ordeal. The term Stockholm Syndrome was coined by the criminologist and psychiatrist Nils Bejerot, who assisted the police during the robbery, and referred to the syndrome in a news broadcast ( from wikipedia) . My view of arranged marriages in a positive sense is that most of them are one form or other of this stockhom syndrome. However it is not a plain stoclkholm syndrome. It is more like a modfified bidrectional configuration. let me be a little more clear about it. 

In arranged marriage, two hitherto unknown strangers, get hooked up. They are hooked up either by their parents, their social circle, shaadi.com, NRI matrimony servies, newspaper ads etc etc. The mode may be anything, but the end result is the same. Two virtual strangers are bounded by lifelong bond of holy matrimony. This bond is governed by a two way stockholm and after the kids are born, they are part of that equation. The husband and wife are both captives and captors in this bond. Another way to at this is that this bond holds husband and wife captive together. They both dont know the true self of the respective partner. In most cases, they dont know each other and they havent met before as well. Thrown together under one roof, they start looking, cooking and cleaning after each other. That when carried on for a period of more than year creates a stockholm like situation. The husband gets to know the wifes wierd notions, the wife gets to know the husbands habits. They both start making mutual adjustments .Dislikes become likes and likes become dislikes. When a child is born of such a wedlock, it further cements such a relation. Both captor and captive now have a common subject which they both like. That common liking further unites them. Their happiness lies in the happiness of that kid. With time, this bidirectionl stockholm mutates into something more concrete, a four lettered word called love and everybody lives happily ever after....

Hold on.. I aint a rajshri banner fan. Theres got to be catch in this tory somewhere. So heres the catch. Even in these so called perfect wedlocks, nothing can turn out to be perfect. The guy may turn out to be a dowry seeking, drunk moron who has this notion that beating his/her spouse whih he got after no effort of his, is the ideal way of exerting his manhood. Such idiots are well left early to minimize any long term physical and emotional trauma. On the other hand, the girl might turn out to be a picture perfect caricature from desperate housewives TV shows who goes around flirting with all the friends of his hubby while he is out earning bread and butter. A well qualified professional wife is an easy solution to this problem.

Coming to risk management in indian/desi wedlocks, I am not any expert in the mixed desi couples. but as far as purely indian couples( both hubby and wife of indian origin), the idea here is to compare the element of risk in romantic relations as opposed to arranged relations and what sort of risk lies in either. 'love' based relationships are almost always based on some sort of farce or the other. As opposed to a solid scientifically proven phenomenon (stockholm syndrome), love marriages are based on abstract concept called 'love' Its an invisible candy very aptly marketed by various film makers so that their multi million dollar movies based on Mr Right finding the Mrs right and vice versa, them falling in love and living happily ever after sell like hot cakes. Various conceptions propogated in these movies include nonsense such as true love transcends life time, true love is infalible, ideal couples dont fight and so forth. Many people take this nonsense to their heart, especially at an early age, when lines between practicality and idealism are as blurred as houses when you look out of the window of a fast moving train. With such notions in their head at this stage, some people begin the quest of true love. In this quest, i am not aware of intentions of the fairer sex but being a guy i know what men want ( I am talking about straight relations here. this is because i am not aware of homosexual relationships). That want, that desire guides them for most part. This is true for all men atleast in their early years. As they grow up, some of them grow up but for most part, many dont and they still want the same them. Their defination of love can be summed up by phrases such 'kiss kiss bang bang' , 'cover the face and f*** the base' , 'game', 'scorecard' , 'list' and so forth. Such men do end up suceeding at what they want to do but for large part they succeed in conveying the shallowness of the term true love. I have known many a women who do the same which much more panache than their male counter parts but their reasoning and motives are unknown to me. When these relations actually manage to reach the point of marriage, then comes the influence of practical issues. All this while either counter part can be putting up apearences, simply because eihter/both of them have invested heavily in a relationship and none of them are willing to let go of the other even if it means lying to other till they are married. Lie being discovered before marriage leaves both parties emotionally scarred. Lie being discovered after marriage bacomes a statistic in raising number of divorce cases.

In the case of arranged marriages, this bidirectional stolkholm like situation actually assuages the situation and statistically it has been shown in various studies that arranged marriages are more successful then love marriages; the only yardstick of success being divorce rates. In my opinion it is this stolkholm like situation which minimizes the risk of such marriages failing. In these relations, you do not fall in love but if everything goes well, you grown in love and this growth actually strongly roots such relationships in firm grounds thus minimizing the chance of their failing unless some specific circumstances occur.  

of completed projects, colliding realities and truth that is stranger than fiction

completed projects:
I am done with another semester at graduate school. It looks like a race half left rather than race half completed. It is not because i am pessimist but from the looks of it, i have more work to do from now than i have done until now in the same time period. Of all the projects that i intended to complete, I have come good on most of them. I now have a full flavor of grad school and truth be told i like it here professionally. My life here from office to ghar and ghar to office is peaceful with no obstructions. I do what i need to do and things happen accordingly. Personally however, there are somethings i dislike and some i really really dislike. But then again, the whole deal with the devil when i signed on this venture was that "against my personal life ( and lack/dislike of thereof) and a menial stipend, i agree to donate the next five years of my life to grad school." back then doing my own thing was so important to me that everything else looked meaningless. Now my own thing is about as important but other things are slowly becoming more and more important.

colliding realities:
I know its not very original but my way of seeing life is numbers and equations, Balance. I am a big fan of balance. I believe when new variables get introduced in the equation of life, they need to be balanced with newer variables still. Being an uncomplicated person, I am not a very big fan of adding new variables. Of late I have however learn that balance itself is not very intuitive. Life equation is not like equations i work with or atleast as simple. The thing with new variables is that they best be left alone. attempts to balance realities of life, however meager they may be are futile. all they end up doing is changing the equation itself.

truth that is stranger than fiction:

truth indeed is stranger than fiction. I always thought of this dialog as a rambling of a half ass old dude who has nothing to do but come up with random quotes of the day (no offense). Turns out this right here is one of the the most important take home message of life itself. Take home message in sense that assuming you get a second chance at life, this statement probably should be your guiding light. Truth is strange, very strange. Fiction you can predict. but truth is an unpredictable and unmeasurable reality that governs your everyday existence.

things to chew on

1. Choices are simple consequence are not.
2. God sees the truth but waits, until the truth becomes a sick joke
3. It takes a lot more than a hot air balloon to write something meaningful
4.Speculations are like doors that open both ways.
5. between the rock and the hard place, the choice is never simple

6. never judge a book by its cover. and once the judgement

has been passed dont change it for the cover.

7. understanding is not related to intelligence or IQ. It is simply related

to an individuals will to identify and accept the truth.

8. your name holds no meaning, your existence insignificant

9. there is no shame in loosing to neediness

10.loss in life can be equated to things not gained substrated from things gained

11. shortcuts are meant to be taken when you are willing to
pay the price for them

12. for some puzzles, gathering the pieces is not the toughest part, putting them together is

13 Marriages are about pretending: the bride pretending to be a virgin, the groom pretending that he has found the one

and the in laws pretending that they like each other.

14 .) mere liye insaan ek aina hai

yahi mera vardaan aur yahi mera shrap hai

Emotional Atyachaar: my predictions on DEV D

Its been a while since i have visited my blog pages with an intention to write something. I have been hard pressed for time and am short changed even now. but there is something that is growing on me so rapidly that perhaps writing about it is the only way i can get it out of my system and concentrate on tasks at hand.  It something like taking a dump so that you can move on with the rest of your day. But rest assured what i am writing here is hardly distasteful. It is just that i have other things to I want to write about but this possibly is the only thing i can write about in 20 minutes and then get on with my life.

Anurag kashyap is a maverick genius.  He is all that i like about indian cinema. Full of new ideas viz a viz sript writing,  has great cinematic sense, is a visionary director, works with new faces and untested talent and brings out the best in them. 

He made his start along with irfaan khan in a star plus serial called Darr. 'Darr' was a psychopathic thriller where irfaan khan played a serial killer by the name of 'desi jallad' who used to vent out his hatred for his wife on whores by brutally killing them. If my memory serves me, that was in the later half of 1990s that this serial was telecast on star. It was clearly ahead of its time and soon got relegated to 10 clock slot when all the traditional indian families had had their stomachs full and have other things to do than watch a killer kill whores and act on his sexual perversions. It soon faded away as star got its 'KK' ticket to famedon and high TRPs.

But that was a masterpiece no doubt. Pretty soon there after, he came out with 'Paanch' and 'Black Friday'. Paanch was never allowed to be released commercially. It was again a film ahead of its time. With charaters having names like pondi, murgi, luke, shuili and joy in circa 2000 when the urban india at best was a closet case as far as expressing sexuality and wanton desires went,  a film like this was perhaps the biggest challenge to the fragile social fabric of that time and hence was never allowed to be seen by the masses. A casual look throug blogoshere tells me that the recently released 'Rock on' is a toned down version of Paanch by about a factor of 1000. The amount of impact paanch would have on indian cinema even if it is made to release now would be tremendous.

I am not saying this on a whim. Another timeless classic called 'Black Friday' by the same director which released recently after the verdict on 1993 bombay bomb blasts came out proves my point. It was a great hit which proved the visinory filmaking skills of anurag kashyap. Then came his 'No smoking' about which i will write another time. Right now i am really eager to talk about  his take on 'Devdas' titled DEV D. Slated to be release on 19th december, this movie already looks to be a masterpiece in the making.

For the uninitiated, devdas is a character based on the Sharat Chandra Chattopadhyay novella Devdas. 

Devdas is an idealist, someone like howard roark. Somone who is good in concept but difficult to realize.  He loves paro, his childhood sweetheart but the circumstances prevent him from marrying her. He turns alchoholic after losing both the love of his life and his family and permanently gets into a platonic relationship with a whore named chandramukhi and makes her brothel his permanent quarters. He eventually dies alone, devoid of love and away from his family due to alchohol abuse.

Now this is hardly something you make a movie about in my opinion. The guy is basically a loser who for the lack of some 'quality' action  falls hook line and sinker for this one chick and basically wastes away his life wanting her and only her. common dude get some life!! anyhow three movies have already been made on this topic and basically they are sugar coated distortions of this concept which would give a 21 year old chronic diabeties. 

Enter anurag kashyap and you get Dev D out of Devdas. Dev D looks to a pot smoking pill popping guy whose single point agenda in life is to get some 'action'. Love for him is not singing songs or getting drunk on cheap country liquor. He looks like a guy who would pop a pill and 'F***'. Now i dont have the slightest idea how the whole script is going to unfold but from the looks of it its gonna be a ball. Kashyap has casted a by the book pristine panju beauty for the role of paro who in this movie is not a virgin(in the original devdas paro being a virign throughout the novel was a very big deal. She was 'saving' herself for her devdas. what crap!! i doubt if anyone even talks like this anymore) Chandramukhi is renamed chanda in this movie and she redfines slut. I have always maintained that chameli in my books was a big flop simply because kareena kapooor cannot look like a slut no matter how hard she tries. Kalika playing the role of chanda looks like someone who means business and that would mean pure unadulterated entertainment when this movie comes out 

The only face recognizible in this movie is abhay deol which grapevine suggests came up with the concept of this. For once i believe the rumors appear to be true. abhay deol seems to be in his element as a pill pooping hyppocrite whose one point agenda is to get some action with his sweetheart 'paro'.  He looks to be at ease in his character and diplays an array of emotions from' tharki', to high to angered to simply bored with panche even in the two minute traler of the movie recent released. 

The music of DEV D is by amit trivedi, the guy who gave us the haunting track of Aamir and if 'emotional atyachaar' is anything to go this, he will surpaas his work in Aamir

To close my praise of this movie to be released, I wish to see more of anurag kashyap and less of rajshri productions or the like in this future. People like anurag kashyap hold promise for the future of indian cinema for they bring with them fresh talent, freash ideas, fresh script and fresh music. They are the ones who make bollywood bollywood and not some'RAJ' recycle bin with trains in the closing and opening sequences.    

Hell-Heaven

I would like to assume that the person reading this would have read The unaccustomed earth by jhumpa lahiri. Though this fragment of writing has no direct relation to that masterpiece collection of short stories by the much acclaimed writer, nor do these two or so paragraphs have the poise and the strength of prose that is possessed by the author of that novel.
This piece however draws parallels from Hell and Heaven, a story belonging to that collection. Hell and Heaven describes the experience of Indian diaspora in USA. The story spans three generations beginning in 1970s and culminating in the present time. It shows how people who came to America from India in 1970s were much attached to their roots . For them finding an Indian family and that too belonging to their hometown is sometimes a catalyst that enables them stay to on as for them, beyond the realms of intellectual and monetary pursuits, a thread that connects them to their roots gives them a much stronger sense of being at home than going to home itself. In contrast the progeny of such individuals who are born and raised in America are much closer to American culture. They adopt the American way of life, are educated in american ways and embrace the american culture in more ways than their parents have or ever will. They cannot eat the home cooked indian food for it is too spicy, bu they will gorge all day on the chemical mac and cheese and other such foods, smoking joints, booze etc is all so cool and so is 'hanging out' and 'making out'; terms that were unheard of when their parents were students.
But there is something more to it. Something more ominous as pointed out by the author in ever so scuttle manner that is so characteristic of her. The fact that the first generation diaspora that came here back then deserted their parents in their old age even though the indian system of values taught them otherwise, they now face a clear and present danger of being relegated to old age homes in an alien country when their end days come. For their children who are alien to indian value system cannot be expected to take care of their parents. This i believe is life's way of coming full circle. What the first generation indians did to their parents back then will happen to them in their old age. And it is worse for them for their parents at least died in the motherland; they face dying alone in a country not theirs.

After reading that short story, i have come to realize that Hell and heaven as described in the context of that story have blurred out in the present time. The present generation of students who move to US to pursue higher studies are a different breed all together than the previous generations. Quite a sizable percentage of them are from affluent families with private school English medium education and hence a set of values with a more occidental hue. The concept of dating isn't alien to them and so isn't drinking or smoking. Quite a few of them have had close encounters of 'that' kind and some of them are very open about their boyfriends/ girlfriends even with their parents. For such individuals, the culture shock is not as rude as it used be for their previous generations. America on its part has also changed since 1970s. There are a lot many Indian restaurants than there used to be back then and thus food is no more a concern as it was for the protagonist of that story. The non existent social life in college and university campuses back then as described in that work has also translated into something very colorful. Many American universities have hundreds of indian students. Coming from different parts of India, they are neatly organized into into indian student associations across various universities. These organizations give a vibrant and family like atmosphere to thousands of students coming from India. These groups enable fostering of strong bonds among people sharing same homeland in an alien land. Some of these bonds even last a lifetime.
So have heaven and hell merged into one singular state? Is the American experience mostly trouble free now as apposed to what it was back then? The answer is no. While Jhumpa lahiri focussed on issues that were more prominent back then, at this point from where i see, issues are different. For all the education and forward thinking, modern india is more divided on the lines of region now than it was then. This chasm is seen in a new light in indian diaspora in american campuses and beyond. People tend to flock with people of their own region. With a mass exodus of indians to american universities as students, being an indian is not enough. you have to belong to the same university of same city or same state at least if you are going to hang out together. The balancing of indian side and american side by the current lot is also shaky. While on one hand i have met people who say that 'Indians are not the best people to hang out with' to people who would have a strong opinion about democrats and republicans and dirty Indians within one year of being here and on the other hand there are those who still don't touch meat or liquor clinging on to their age old beliefs. So in this scenario what is heaven or what is hell? In the times when occident is learning a trick or two from orient and orient is adopting things that occident is slowly phasing out from its way of life there is no hell or heaven.