correlation between bidirectional stockholm syndrome and arranged marriages : risk management in indian wedlocks

Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger (or at least risk) in which they have been placed. The syndrome is named after the Norrmalmstorg robbery of Kreditbanken at Norrmalmstorg, Stockholm, Sweden, in which the bank robbers held bank employees hostage from August 23 to August 28 in 1973. In this case, the victims became emotionally attached to their victimizers, and even defended their captors after they were freed from their six-day ordeal. The term Stockholm Syndrome was coined by the criminologist and psychiatrist Nils Bejerot, who assisted the police during the robbery, and referred to the syndrome in a news broadcast ( from wikipedia) . My view of arranged marriages in a positive sense is that most of them are one form or other of this stockhom syndrome. However it is not a plain stoclkholm syndrome. It is more like a modfified bidrectional configuration. let me be a little more clear about it. 

In arranged marriage, two hitherto unknown strangers, get hooked up. They are hooked up either by their parents, their social circle, shaadi.com, NRI matrimony servies, newspaper ads etc etc. The mode may be anything, but the end result is the same. Two virtual strangers are bounded by lifelong bond of holy matrimony. This bond is governed by a two way stockholm and after the kids are born, they are part of that equation. The husband and wife are both captives and captors in this bond. Another way to at this is that this bond holds husband and wife captive together. They both dont know the true self of the respective partner. In most cases, they dont know each other and they havent met before as well. Thrown together under one roof, they start looking, cooking and cleaning after each other. That when carried on for a period of more than year creates a stockholm like situation. The husband gets to know the wifes wierd notions, the wife gets to know the husbands habits. They both start making mutual adjustments .Dislikes become likes and likes become dislikes. When a child is born of such a wedlock, it further cements such a relation. Both captor and captive now have a common subject which they both like. That common liking further unites them. Their happiness lies in the happiness of that kid. With time, this bidirectionl stockholm mutates into something more concrete, a four lettered word called love and everybody lives happily ever after....

Hold on.. I aint a rajshri banner fan. Theres got to be catch in this tory somewhere. So heres the catch. Even in these so called perfect wedlocks, nothing can turn out to be perfect. The guy may turn out to be a dowry seeking, drunk moron who has this notion that beating his/her spouse whih he got after no effort of his, is the ideal way of exerting his manhood. Such idiots are well left early to minimize any long term physical and emotional trauma. On the other hand, the girl might turn out to be a picture perfect caricature from desperate housewives TV shows who goes around flirting with all the friends of his hubby while he is out earning bread and butter. A well qualified professional wife is an easy solution to this problem.

Coming to risk management in indian/desi wedlocks, I am not any expert in the mixed desi couples. but as far as purely indian couples( both hubby and wife of indian origin), the idea here is to compare the element of risk in romantic relations as opposed to arranged relations and what sort of risk lies in either. 'love' based relationships are almost always based on some sort of farce or the other. As opposed to a solid scientifically proven phenomenon (stockholm syndrome), love marriages are based on abstract concept called 'love' Its an invisible candy very aptly marketed by various film makers so that their multi million dollar movies based on Mr Right finding the Mrs right and vice versa, them falling in love and living happily ever after sell like hot cakes. Various conceptions propogated in these movies include nonsense such as true love transcends life time, true love is infalible, ideal couples dont fight and so forth. Many people take this nonsense to their heart, especially at an early age, when lines between practicality and idealism are as blurred as houses when you look out of the window of a fast moving train. With such notions in their head at this stage, some people begin the quest of true love. In this quest, i am not aware of intentions of the fairer sex but being a guy i know what men want ( I am talking about straight relations here. this is because i am not aware of homosexual relationships). That want, that desire guides them for most part. This is true for all men atleast in their early years. As they grow up, some of them grow up but for most part, many dont and they still want the same them. Their defination of love can be summed up by phrases such 'kiss kiss bang bang' , 'cover the face and f*** the base' , 'game', 'scorecard' , 'list' and so forth. Such men do end up suceeding at what they want to do but for large part they succeed in conveying the shallowness of the term true love. I have known many a women who do the same which much more panache than their male counter parts but their reasoning and motives are unknown to me. When these relations actually manage to reach the point of marriage, then comes the influence of practical issues. All this while either counter part can be putting up apearences, simply because eihter/both of them have invested heavily in a relationship and none of them are willing to let go of the other even if it means lying to other till they are married. Lie being discovered before marriage leaves both parties emotionally scarred. Lie being discovered after marriage bacomes a statistic in raising number of divorce cases.

In the case of arranged marriages, this bidirectional stolkholm like situation actually assuages the situation and statistically it has been shown in various studies that arranged marriages are more successful then love marriages; the only yardstick of success being divorce rates. In my opinion it is this stolkholm like situation which minimizes the risk of such marriages failing. In these relations, you do not fall in love but if everything goes well, you grown in love and this growth actually strongly roots such relationships in firm grounds thus minimizing the chance of their failing unless some specific circumstances occur.